I waste too much time! How do I waste time? I know you asked yourself this...
This morning is the perfect example. I attempted to do a "quiet time" of reading Ch. 1 of Philippians (Note: I don't remember what I read, I wasn't really paying attention) and when I finished I had the most random thought. Yacht Rock. Yes Yacht Rock. So I proceeded with this thought, grabbed my laptop and googled away. I filled my brain with the vast knowledge surrounding yacht rock. The music genre of the 70's & 80's, the web video series called Yacht Rock from the mid 2000's. Lets not forget the start and sounds of Vampire Weekend, their Spin Magazine cover debut before their first album was released and their musical influences like highlife which is from Africa and was popular in the early 1900's but because of the ever growing turmoil in the land not much has been produced in years.
Let's refer back to my note about Philippians... I couldn't begin to tell you what is said in the first chapter of Philippians but I just rambled on about Yacht rock - from memory. SERIOUSLY? (Some facts might not be accurate but close enough)
I really do have a problem with researching random crap on the internet. I do this all the time, don't believe me? I have literally read every single page of regretsy.com and lamebook.com. Just ask my husband who has sat by and watched me spend hours on these sites. I feel so ashamed. Google is my best friend and wikipedia is a very reliable source for finding out the origins of jujubes (did you know that the original flavors included lilac and rose, well you know it now)
Well, today at work it really hit me how much I have been failing at connecting with the Holy Spirit. I thought of my good friend in Hawaii and how she asked if we could email her verses and stuff to help her stay connected. In order for me to send her stuff I really need to be doing more than what I've been doing. I really needed to reconnect with the Spirit.
The idea of fasting came to mind which was quickly followed by "Oh, I can also lose a few pounds while I'm at it." That's a great way to reconnect, lets start out with selfish motivation, not exactly the direction I was wanting to go so I scrapped that idea quick.
I then thought about the week while I was in HI and how disconnected from the internet I was. I check FB a few times on my iphone but nothing else. I realized I didn't miss it. I didn't miss being "connected" all the time. Which is actually very ironic because there is nothing less connected than making sure I know whats going on in someone's life without ever making an effort to do so by real communication AKA stalking. I am no more connected to my "friends" on FB than I am to the movie stars when I read the gossip columns in Star Magazine. I didn't miss it because I was too busy connecting with my friends. Spending tangible, quality time with them. Talking, laughing, eating dinner with them - having real relationships with physical people.
All this to say, I've decided no internet for a month. I realized that there is no way for me to have a real relationship with God if I don't spend time with him instead of spending time "being connected" with a profile of a friend - a facade of what we want people to think or know about ourselves and a bunch of worthless websites (I must admit that they are quite entertaining websites and though I am coming down hard on FB I love it. I really do, but we need a break. Call it a DTR moment)
I need time and the only way to get it is to make it. I need to reconnect with God. I have many questions and moments of emptiness that aren't going to go away with a simple, empty prayer. I can't even answer the questions of my friends who are searching and lost about what is really going on with God sometimes. The answers are only found in a place that I haven't visited in a really long time.
So this my first awkward step back to a place I feel so far from.
My journey starts tonight. I'll see you on the evening of April 22nd.
Hopefully I'll have found something at the end.
